Wednesday, June 1, 2011

What was THAT about?

Inspired by Deborah's post about a week in her life I decided to attempt a week in MY life.  Just to balance the universe, so to speak.  Where hers is refreshingly foreign, interesting, varied, and stimulating, mine is, well, has foreign components, weird, monotonous in it's variety, and, ummm, back to weird.

Sunday: Shop for groceries. Plan meals., do laundry, etc.  Ponder incessant rain.

Monday: repeat of Sunday. Different food.  Sporadic rain.

Tuesday: our work-week starts on Tuesday.  Ringing phones, mumbling men, humbling, stumbling, bumbling men - all wanting motorcycle parts.  Some know what they ride, what they want, what it's called.  Others are confused about the names of their own motorcycles, are vague about what they want, and absolutely do not know what the parts are called.
One writes, in what I can only imagine to be a quest for valves and a cylinder:
"Want gud used vavles and clinder."
Vavles?  Clinder?  OMG.   I am tempted to write back in kind, but decide not to waste the energy.  One has to know how to spell in order to really appreciate a good spelling tragedy.

Wednesday: Men, please take a look at your motorcycle and find out what it's called.  The brand would be a good start.  The model, a pleasant surprise.  The year - the icing on the cake. Please.  Look at your insurance papers.  There's usually a clue on there.  A clue like the exact make, model and year.
For heaven's sake please stop telling me you ride a Maximum.  It's a MAXIM.  No Mum about it.  Either you're obsessed with size, or too attached to your mother.  Please.
And, for those with other obsessions....It's a VIRAGO.  VIRAGO.  Not a Viagra. Please do not phone me and tell me you ride a Viagra and then expect me to respond in a mature manner.  I can't.

Thursday:  Yes, my husband can fix your bike.  Yes, he knows what he's doing. Yes, you'll have to leave it here. Yes, it's a piece of crap because you haven't maintained it.  Yes, the air filter is important. Yes, the money you saved on not maintaining your motorcycle will have to be spent now (in spades) to make the bike safe and usable.   Yes, your brother-in-law has made a noble attempt to clean your carb.  Yes, he's lost/improperly installed a few pieces.  Yes they were important. Yes, he's not a mechanic, but I'm sure he's a great accountant/plumber/cook/framer/banker/security guard/logger.  Oh, he's unemployed?  No, we don't need anyone here right now.

Friday: Oh, you pushed your bike all the way from the mall 8 blocks away because it wouldn't start?
Wow, that's a long way to push this heavy bike.  In the rain too? Bummer.
OK - here's your kill switch.  Yes, that's right.  Now flip it.  There.  Shazam!
Yes, you pushed your bike 8 blocks and now you find that someone flipped your kill switch and now you've flipped it back and now the bike starts and now you are embarrassed.  Bummer again!
No charge!
Have a nice day.

Saturday:  Customer calls and wants to speak directly to husband/owner.  does not want to leave message with me (wife).  Tells me "I want to talk to him.  You don't know anything".
I tell him it's my job to take messages , with details, so husband can prioritize call-backs. Customer uncooperative, but leaves number.
Calls back 5 minutes later, (I see his number come up on call display) in wild and crafty attempt to get to speak to directly to husband/owner, but hangs up in my ear when I answer.   I make note, and tell husband that customer is being a jerk.  Husband too busy to call back as is occupied with other customers, other phone-line, mechanic's question etc.
Jerky Customer calls back 3rd time.  Sprinkles f-bomb liberally in attempt to intimidate me.  Tells me I'm a liar when I say husband is too busy right now.  Tells me that he, customer, was in the shop earlier in the day and saw husband 'just sitting around'.  Tells me I am being RUDE to HIM (customer) because I won't just go and get husband.

Something snaps.  I see red.  I scream into phone.  I use F-bomb too.  I hang up phone by repeatedly banging receiver as hard as I can until phone breaks.  I stand up, collect purse, storm out of office.
I see husband (on other phone line) stop conversation and look at me with jaw hanging open.  The world goes into slow motion.  Blood pressure up thru roof, steam coming from ears, blood squirting from eyeballs (well, almost).  "Is it that jerk again?", husband asks.  The words come to me as though I'm under water - slow and heavy.  "Yes", I scream, "and you can effing tell him he can effing eff off!"
And then I can hear again; the mechanic's air gun in the back, the traffic out front, the other phone line ringing, people talking.
I go to the parking lot and sit in my car.  Husband offers to drive me home.  I decline, but stay in car to sit and breathe calmly for a while. 
What happened to me?  I NEVER do things like that.  Never scream.  Seldom swear.  Never at a person.  Never break things.  Never slam things. Never lose control.

Sunday: Recover from work week. Don't go grocery shopping.  Don't do laundry.  Barely cook.  Hardly eat.  Vent to friends. Think about life.

Monday: do a bit of shopping.  Plan meals, cook, eat.  Look at laundry pile.  Contemplate price of new phone.  (the one I broke does work, but only on speakerphone now.  receiver is toast).

Tuesday: Back to work.


Jacqueline Korteland Boller said...

I hope you're feeling better from your melt down!! I've been doing a lot of crocheting myself!!

Deborah said...

I think the guy got off lucky - just imagine what might have happened had he actually turned up at the shop!!
Lara Croft has nuttin' on you, Kath.

But seriously, you got a taste (an unpleasant one, admittedly) of what lesser humans have to put up with in themselves. And I will vouch, publicly, that you are a Very Nice Person with a Remarkable Talent for Self-Control - normally.

Oh that reminds me that my dad used to call me Popocatepetl....and not because I was cone-shaped.

DJan said...

Whoa! That was some description of your meltdown. Whew! Well, hopefully the pressure cooker has now wound down and you can get some much needed rest!

Christine said...

Oh dear Kathryn, sounds like he got what he deserved to me, when biting sarcasm fails (and I suspect this guy had the IQ of a fruit bat, so sarcasm would have been lost) abuse does have its place ;D