A customer has paid me a HUGE compliment.
"Kathryn", he says boozily (having just returned from lunch a little more flammable than when he left), "when that husband of yours leaves you for a younger woman....(dramatic pause), I will have you."
I am so completely stunned by this pronouncement I hardly know what to say. My face, however, lets out a snort, which I quickly cover with my hand. I love his use of 'when' instead of 'if'. I love his earnestness. I love his generosity. Imagine taking someone else's leavings? How kind!
I love his optimism.
He is 15-20 years my senior, with pink face and white hair. A little rotund. Also, he already has a wife.
I resist the urge to tell him I already have a father.
The proposition before this one was even worse, if that is possible. A few months ago a man in his 80's (I swear), followed me off the ferry. He was wearing a fedora. A fedora! And a suit made in the 40s.
While standing at the curb waiting for my ride he leaned towards me. Thinking he was going to ask for directions (to the nearest raisin ranch), I leaned toward him.
"Tell me", he says, in heavily garlicked, accented English, "Arra joo marreet?"
"Pardon me?", I say.
"Arra joo MARREET, wit HUSBAND?
(HUH? Is he asking me if I'm married?)
"Um, yes!", I say. "Why?"
"I lika da look of joo", he says. "Iah see you no wear paint on joo face. I lika dat."
OMG. He was asking if I was married because he likes the look of me. OMG.
He likes me because I don't paint my face. ACK!! ACK!!
I have the strong urge to put on a ton of makeup. Immediately. Permanently.
My reassuringly young and suddenly studly husband arrives to pick me up and I DIVE into the car.
"Hi honey! Glad to see you too!", he says.
The propositioners are getting younger. Who knows what the next few months will bring?
WHEELS. OFF. BUS.
5 hours ago