Wednesday, August 5, 2009

Tales from the Bike Shop

Yes, Yes, I'll post the conclusion to "Kath and Dave's Excellent Adventure" later, much later.
But for now, while I'm at work, it's "Tales from the Bike Shop". <---don't click here unless you want to go to a motorcycle website.
(Our web guy says that I have to do some link development for our motorcycle shop; this means plastering a link to our website from all sorts of places including this place.)
Two things happened that struck my funny bone like a hammer on an egg (WHAP!):
1. A customer of ours - I'll call him Bobo - called me up out of the blue, and sounding a bit inebriated, (in the middle of the day!), proceeded to start to tell me a dirty joke. Something about a white man and a black man and body parts etc. I had no chance to even protest that:
a) I'm at work and don't have time for jokes
b) I'm offended that he thinks I want to hear a dirty joke (do I give off vibes or something?)
Anyway, he gets partway through the joke and promptly forgets the punchline.
"I'll have to call you back", he says, briskly, despite the slurring. And hangs up.
I'm sitting there with my mouth open (Seems I am doing this more and more these days).
A few minutes later he calls back, tells the end of the joke, and then says "Don't tell Dave I told you this joke, or he'll kill me!"
I tell him, "I tell Dave everything!"
"OK, goodbye", he says quickly, and hangs up.
I'm laughing, not at the joke, but at the fact that this kind of weird thing happens here. Never in my 20 years at my former job, did I get a dirty joke call from a drunk customer. Ever.
2. A customer comes in and asks if we have any metric nuts.
Dave tells the guy "Maybe my lovely wife can answer that - ha ha".
(Maybe this is why our customers think that I want to hear their dirty jokes)
I politely refrain from comment and wait for the speech....
Whenever customers come in and ask us for small things like nuts, bolts, screws, washers, etc Dave goes into a rant about not having time to look for small things, how much money his time is worth, did the guy bring in a sample with him, how can he look for something without a sample, no you can't go back there and look yourself, etc etc. Then he pronounces "If you want me to go back there and look for some obscure nut/bolt/screw without anything to go by, then it's going to cost (dramatic pause) TEN BUCKS per ITEM!" (Arms waving expansively).
Today, however, when the moon in the 7th house and Jupiter aligned with Mars, when peace shall reign the planets, and LOVE, LOVE will fill the stars............
Dave goes "back there" to look for metric nuts.
Very quickly he returns with exactly what the customer needs.
"How much do I owe you?", asks customer.
"NOTHING!", says Dave, "NO CHARGE!"
"Really?", asks customer, No charge?" (sounds like the guy has just won the lottery)
"NO CHARGE!", yells Dave, "It's Christmas in August!" (Arms waving expansively).
"Wow!", says customer. "This is wonderful!"
(The guy practically glides out, euphoric)
Rainbows and sparkles fill the air, and I am left wondering "Where am I?"
Coming up next: Kathryn takes us on a tour of her craft room!


Anonymous said...

Oh my.
I was laughing very loudly in the library when I read about the drunk customer call... who forgot the punchline. I guess it would only happen to you. :)
Although I did work as a telemarketer for a few months selling shoes and a man called with an insatiable appetite for feet. He had a fetish. I told him I felt uncomfortable taking about feet, because I didn't have any and he hing up. :D

Deborah said...

That post was hilarious!-especially 'cause I heard that particular rant from Dave personally a while back- and so was the comment from Phoebe. Ah, to be able to think so fast....on her feet....