Wednesday, March 3, 2010

My body inspires poetry

After my recent 3-week cleanse, where I lost 4 pounds without really trying,  I dared, at last, to have a peek at my body in the bathroom mirror.
Even though I covered part of me with one hand and covered 82% of my eyes with the other, I still saw a flash of flesh. 
Completely unbidden, the following words came to me.

(sung to the tune of "My Bonnie Lies Over the Ocean")
My belly is out of proportion,
My boobies hang down to my knees
My buttocks show signs of distortion,
I want my teen body back PLEASE.

Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my body to me, to MEEEEE
Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my body to ME!

My muffin top makes a tsunami,
whenever I shimmy or cough
I can't stand the visual whammy,
So next time I'll leave the lights OFF.

Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my body to me, to MEEEEE
Bring back, bring back,
O bring back my body to ME!

And how was YOUR day?


Deborah said...

Can you hear me????? All the way across France, the Atlantic Ocean, the vast Canadian Shield, vaster Prairies with their golden wheat fields, the craggy and unbelievably endlessly vast mountain ranges of British Columbia?? My cup runneth over with endorphins, and all because of you.

Jacqueline Korteland Boller said...

LOL..I used to have the SCREAM hanging in the teachers workroom where I used to work...describes my life well!!!

I'm going to try the Mediterranean diet me some books...

Von said...

Lol! I can sure join in with you in that song, Kathryn!!

Christine said...

LOL Kathryn! This is why I don't have a full length mirror ;)

Annz said...

That is one spectacular song.

Anonymous said...

LOL Kathryn. Did you dance while you sang?

About "The Scream" I actually have it hanging in our main bathroom! A pixilated friend (not pixelated) gave me the puzzle for Christmas and after I spent hours putting it together I couldn't just break it apart and store it never to be seen again, so I glued it together, framed it and hung it on the wall across from the mirror. So, when you are looking at yourself in the mirror, "The Scream" is silently screaming over your shoulder.

We also have a Van Gogh in there.
Aren't you glad you actually know me and know that I'm sort of sane, normally, sometimes?
Weird Ann in Alberta